Wednesday, 14 January 2015

Update on the past month and life with a 3 month old

He sleeps more predictably now, which makes a world of difference. My crank-o meter has been dialed way back to levels where I may even be suitable to cohabit with other people.

I am learning that predictable sleep, even if it's spread out is nice.

Babykins starts getting sleepy around dinner time. He feeds around 6pm, 9pm, 1am, 4am, and then wakes for the day around 5am.  

D and I have been doing shifts where he goes to bed super early (like 7, 8 or 9pm), and relieves me at 4am. He comes and gets me at 7:30am when he has to go to work. This has worked well because it gives him a solid chunk of sleep, and I am able to get some too. During 9pm- 4am Babykins (now) sleeps pretty soundly, with the exception of waking for his feedings. He has virtually outgrown his sleeping baby goat noises, which means that sleeping with him nearby or with the baby monitor on is actually possible. During my 4am to 7:30am chunk of sleep, I honestly feel like I blink and it's over.  In the morning I feel human now and I don't even need to drink coffee (which I am learning affects my moods too). 

To complicate the sleeping situation over the past month, Babykins has had his fair share of illnesses. 

Like when he was hospitalized in December for 3 days (!) at ten weeks old for a severe respiratory virus. Now that was scary.  He was choking on his phlem and was working so hard to breathe. We even had to call 911 one night because of the choking.  Needless to say, we will be taking a first aid class hopefully this winter or spring. 

Then after all of the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season, on the day we arrived home after being gone for a week we realized that Babykins was sick again.  It turned out that he had laryngitis. 

Watching a baby cry but not make a sound is such a weird thing. It might seem great, but it was a little tricky. Thankfully, Babykins isn't a huge crier anyways (he can really whine when he wants to but we can usually stop it from escalating). The laryngitis meant that he couldn't communicate with us, especially at night.  So we had to keep him very close so we would notice if he needed something. 

Daddy was able to dodge all of these little viruses, but I didn't escape them. 

Babykins has reflux too, which means that he is quite the little puker. He'll puke up what sometimes seems like half of his bottle hours after eating it. I do a lot of laundry and am very thankful that our couches are charcoal grey- eek.   

He doesn't seem to be in any pain from it, and he's gaining weight (he's almost 15lbs now!) so we have opted to not medicate him.  The side effects from the meds might be worse than the spitting up.  Thickened formula is an option that our paediatrician offered, but B has been on 4 different formulas (formulae? haha) already and we're reluctant to switch brands again, especially because the only thickened one we can find is a brand that didn't agree with him. 

All of this has given us quite the little initiation to parenthood. It's certainly doesn't even compare to some of the more severe and complex problems that many other parents have to cope with, but for us, it's still been something. 

Due to B's reflux and congestion, he's been sleeping mostly in a baby chair beside the couch, where we can watch him and he can be upright. He also loves to have a good ol' sleep on Mama's chest, and will sleep for about twice as long there as he usually does, if he's given the opportunity.  

Last night, we had our beat night ever- he slept from 9:30pm until 3:30am, woke for a feed and then slept more until 6:30! And it was in his crib and playpen. It was glorious!  We are hoping for him to be regularly   sleeping in his crib soon. 

At the end of our Christmas holidays, we met up with Carla and some of Carla and Mark's family. We had planned to see them sooner, but our visit got canceled because if Babykin's first illness. 

It was the first time that Carla would see Babykins since the hospital, and the first time that many of Babykins extended family would meet him.  Mark didn't come, apparently because he was upset with Carla's dad. 

It was a really great meeting for us.  We met at a restaurant in a hotel. We were the only ones there and they set up a big table for us. It was private and nice.  There were about 20 people there. Some gave us gifts, and everyone loved meeting the baby and I think us too. 

Afterwards, we set up a private page on Facebook to share pictures and notes with everyone. It's been a great way to update everyone all at once, and keep everything  somewhat private.  We will continue to text Carla extra pictures. 

At the meeting, we gave Carla a photo book of the days at the hospital.  Carla cried a few times throughout the 3 hour meeting. In hindsight, we should have met with her first, on a different day, so that she could just had some quiet time with Babykins in her own, and not have so many people around. She said she had no idea there were going to be so many people there, it was her Dad and Mark's Mom that did all of the inviting. 

Later in the afternoon, I met up with her in the bathroom when I went to change the baby's bum. We were the only ones there and I was so glad to finally have a few minutes alone with her. 
I asked her how she was doing. She said "it's hard" and tears streamed down her face.  My heart had been hurting for her all afternoon (and in many days leading up to this meeting).  Her beautiful blonde hair hadn't been washed.  She looked uncomfortable with her postpartum body. We hugged and I listened, but I wished that there was so much more that I could do to ease her burden. She has given so much to us, she has lifted the heavy blanket of grief, anger, isolation and sadness in our lives. I want to do the same for her...but I don't know how. 

Later, her father told D that she was having a rough time, but that she was still happy with the decision she made. It was a relief for us to hear that. I can only imagine how much harder things would be for her if she felt like she had made the wrong decision. 

We talked again about her coming to visit us in our home. She has said to us a few times that when she gets a car the first trip she wanted to take was to our house to visit Babykins.  We asked her if she liked the train. She said yes, and the next week we mailed her a gift card for two round trips to see us. We hope that she might take us up on the offer to visit and bring her sister, a friend, or whomever she wanted. It didn't sound like Mark would be coming (or driving them) any day soon.  We're not sure what his story is. 

On a different note, yesterday, I got an unexpected email. It was from an address that at first I didn't recognize, with a subject line of "hello". I thought it was spam, and I disregarded it, but then something made me reconsider and I opened it. 

It was an email from the very first couple who donated two embryos to us. She said she was sorry for not reaching out sooner. 

The last contact I had with them was an email telling them the transfer didn't work, and thanking them for what they had given us.  She said that she somehow felt that experience had linked us. She asked me what the last several years have been like for us. 

I responded to her, telling her in a couple paragraphs, just what the last five or so years were like, in the fertility department and otherwise. I told her about how things had changed. I sent her pictures of our beautiful son.  I thought about it and cried thinking about how if she had emailed me a six months sooner, how different my message would have been to her without our happy ending. 

We are so grateful for Carla and this little boy. 

Ps) Thank you for the suggestion of Bloglovin'. It took me a while to add all of my blogs but I am enjoying it!  This update was typed on my phone, please forgive the poor editing! 


  1. So happy to hear you update. It sounds like y'all have a good sleep system going and babykins is doing well. He certainly is a handsome little thing.

  2. Wow poor little guy with getting so sick!

    I love reading your updates and am glad that Bloglovin is working for you! :)

  3. He is so cute! I'm sorry about all the illnesses, poor little guy, and poor you, I'd have been so scared.
    Thanks for sharing your meeting with Carla and her family. It sounds like such a special and complex relationship. I can imagine how you'd want to give something "back" to her...

  4. How cool all around!! I love that he gave you that nice stretch at night. I got a 6 hours out of my little boys last night for the first time (PLEASE GOD let it keep up). I love how sweet you are with Carla too, so so sensitive and caring. I also look at our surrogate's postpartum body (she looks awesome for twins) and am humbled for her sacrifice <3

  5. I'm glad that you guys are finally getting a bit of sanity! Sounds like you guys have such an awesome relationship with Carla. Your son will always be surrounded by tons of people who love him!

  6. I'm impressed that you've worked out a great sleep schedule. Even with being sick (yikes, I'm so sorry, but glad that he's recovered) and the reflux, Babykins sounds like a delight. Also, I'm so glad that you're able to still connect with Carla; I can't imagine how hard it is to see her in pain. However, you seem to be handling it with so much grace.

  7. What a little cutie!! So happy that things are settling down for you. Your kind relationship with Carla speaks volumes about you as a person. xoxo

  8. Your posts often bring me to tears. So strange to feel so much for someone and her family that I've never met. It sounds like we are in similar situs with the reflux....but my goodness I can't believe what you've been through re: illness and hospital stays (!!!). That must have been TERRIFYING. Gah. Yes. You made it. He made it. It's alllll okay now. Poor little mister. Your attentiveness is just what he has needed.

  9. Oh no. So sorry you are dealing with reflux. There is so much puke! We actually had to get a new couch because of it. I was always amazed that Riley continued to gain weight because it didn't seem like she kept anything down. Glad to hear he isn't in any pain because of it. The medication doesn't stop the puking, so if he isn't in pain there isn't really a need for it. We are finally reflux free and I never thought we would get here.


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