Tuesday, 25 October 2016

Still pregnant, huh?

Holy crap. Guess what? I'm still pregnant. Like as of 5 minutes ago when I heard the baby's heartbeat on my home doppler.  Whaaaaa?!?!? 

This is nuts. 

I'm 11 weeks, 5 days.  The time is creeping sloooooowly along. 

The shock has not subsided. Acceptance is not here either. 

I'm kind of living in a weird state of limbo where my brain can't admit that yes, my body is actually still pregnant and boobs have never looked better. 

My tummy is growing, yet I can't quite bring myself to buy many new clothes yet, for fear that If I had to grieve the loss of this pregnancy and get rid of maternity pants, that it would be an added ounce of pain that isn't worth it yet. 

The f*cked up infertile that I thought I had banished to the basement of my emotions for the past couple years is apparently still alive and well. 

I can't stop thinking that I never even dreamt about a natural pregnancy, since I was 28 years old and I heard our infertility diagnoses because our chances were so bleak. We didn't ever have timed intercourse because I felt like it was pointless (and ha! I thought our treatments would work).  

There was never even a thought in my mind in over 10 years that this could happen.  I thought of it as a small blessing in a way, that I didn't have to get my hopes up every single month for nothing. 

I'm still shaking my head that I'm even writing about such a thing- happening to us. 


I really hope this continues.  What an unbelievably awesome ending it would be to everything we've been through. 

6 comments:

  1. I so agree! An amazing ending!! I am so excited and hopeful for you! Darren and I are seriously talking vistectomy because we know that life is so ironic that we will get pregnant randomly in like 10 years when our boys are all teenagers. Lol. I love this for you!!

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  2. The perfect ending indeed. Congrats my friend!! xoxo

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  3. Ahhh. Gosh, I'm just so thankful to read this. It sounds like you are handling this like an absolute champ! Any of us who have lived through infertility for this wrong would be dealing with the crazy, no matter how far we buried the mess. Praying that everything continues smoothly with zero scares or hiccoughs and you sail through the first trimester soon! Hugs, sweet friend!

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  4. Wonderful news! I've been watching for an update and hope you'll keep us all posted as things progress. Thinking of you and hoping for a smooth path from here on out...

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  5. Life is wonderful! Congratulations!

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