Calendar

Yay! We got our calendar from CCRM.

It has a tentative retrieval date of around July 6th or 7th.  Which seemed perfectly workable with the July 13th wedding  that we are both standing in, the one where D is the best man.  Upon closer examination, we learned that our retrieval date would likely be a bit later because the calendar only included stims for 10 days. 

I checked with the nurse to see if she thought I would stim for longer than average (because of my diminished ovarian reserve).  She said yes.  She said DOR people tend to stim for  15-17 days.   I asked her the longest she's ever seen anyone go for and she said 21 days. 

Counting out the days, that would make the retrieval/required sperm donation either the day of the wedding or the day before.  Not to mention that I am required to hang around for 24 hours because of the anesthesia.  

F*ck.

We thought about what would happen if I missed the wedding.  Sounds bad, yes, but there are 8 bridesmaids and only 5 groomsmen.  And the bride and I are not even remotely close.  The groom and I are friends, but I never expected to be asked to stand up for him.   That is a long story that I talked about here.    

They've been very demanding throughout the year long wedding process and let's just say it hasn't drawn any of us closer together.  Bridezilla is an accurate term to use.  We've just been going with the flow, gritting our teeth spending money on all of their parties etc,  doing what is asked of us, and mostly hoping for it to be over.   

D too has seen a different side of the groom throughout this year of wedding planning that he doesn't like.  I think overall this year has made us realize that after this, we don't have the desire to be close friends with them.   We've come out of this year just feeling used financially and emotionally by them.   We are in very different mental places and have very different priorities.  They are really immature about a lot of things. 

We really wanted to make this cycle work.  We've been in limbo basically since January, with cancelled cycles because of the cysts, and my grandfather's illness and death, and last month with the memorial day fiasco.  In so many ways we feel like we've been in limbo for the past five years with all of this crap.  And with these cysts, we honestly don't know if next month we'll be allowed to start a cycle. 

We thought about using frozen sperm instead of fresh, allowing him to fly out for the wedding, if he had to.   I didn't want to do that.  I feel like we are spending big money on this and I don't want to feel like we didn't do the best we could in all aspects.   Especially because this is probably our last chance.  There isn't an unlimited pool of money that we can throw at this.  I'm cranky, emotionally drained and I'm tired of feeling guilty if I have a glass of coffee or wine! 

Ultimately, we decided that regardless of how we are feeling about them right now, that it would be a really, really brutal thing if the best man didn't show up.  (I should mention that if this was a close friend we wouldn't even consider doing this to them, it's just that we are feeling very used by them, and this almost feels like one more way that we are taking a hit because of them).   I realize that this must sound like I'm a spoiled brat, but I'm just being honest.   And my friends, I need this little corner of the internet to do so so I don't make an impromptu speech at the wedding about how they are two of the most rude, selfish people that I know (jk - would never).   

And, in the end, we won't even tell them that we have made this choice for them.  

Hoping August is a good month for us.  At least one good thing will happen - this dreaded wedding will be over!  

PS)

Some random gossipy bits about the wedding:

1. This is groom's second wedding and they bride and ex-wife have the exact same first and second names!!! Seriously? What are the chances!

2. They have kicked out the maid of honour AND best man already.  D was the second choice, despite having known the groom for 17 years and the other best man having only been friend for less than a year!).