Friday, 31 May 2013
This one thing
Today I'm wondering why this one thing, infertility of course, can leave such a gaping hole in your life. Especially in the midst of so many other good things.
I have so much to be grateful for. And many things to look forward to. In so many ways my life has turned out better than I ever expected. Yet, today, despite lots of other good news in our lives, I have a feeling of discontentment. I feel disgusted with myself, why can't I just be happy? So many people can rise up and feel happy with so much less.
It's difficult to distinguish the feelings of discontentment, grief and loneliness that are infertility related from other things. My fear is that it is not infertility after all, but maybe a wretched personality flaw or something.
Would a baby or two would change this anyways? Am I just wired to be like this?