Now, a couple of months later, he's heavily grieving. Our childlessness, combined with the fact that he has a lot of other things on his plate to deal with, is making him feel very depressed.
There's been a major downturn in his industry. Promising leads into a couple of new business prospects have fallen flat.
He's struggling majorly with his faith - something I can't help but feel partially responsible for, as my faith is at a very low point. And while I support him in his own personal journey, I know he feels my absence in this area.
He is so sad. Having any one of his buckets (as he refers to them) refilled; spiritually, parentally, or in his career would help so much. It's just really rough when all of them are low.
Throw in his 38th birthday recently and the poor guy's in rough shape. I know how bad he's hurting, because I've been in those lows, and I see him struggling. I wish I could do more to help.
PS) HCG is still 20. At cycle day 14, the saline sono's going to have to wait until next month.
PS) HCG is still 20. At cycle day 14, the saline sono's going to have to wait until next month.
This hurts my heart. For some reason, Darren always seems to be "stronger" or not as "impacted" but then when he shows me/expresses any form of sadness, it makes me feel even sadder :( I hear you on the spiritually bucket. I have always been 100% dedicated full blown Christian. I still am a Christian but my faith is so broken. I cannot pray. I cannot hope in Him the way I use to. I accept life isn't fair/bad things happen to good people, but it is so hard when so many desperate prayers feel ignored. Love to you and him. I keep reminding myself that in the Bible it says "a time to mourn, a time to rejoice." I'm hanging on with a sliver that a time to rejoice will come for both us of sooner than later. <3
ReplyDeleteI agree with Holly, Sam always feels like the "strong" one. We haven't had nearly the heartache of either of you ladies, but from what we have experienced, Sam has always recovered and moved on so much faster than I did. I can't imagine what it would look like/feel like if Sam was struggling, but I imagine it would probably be worse than struggling myself. Feeling helpless to ease the pain and guilty for causing it… so sorry you guys are struggling and have had such a hard time lately. Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, and sadly I can totally relate. In the very early days, my husband was actually grieving harder than me (still under the influence of various hormones). Now it just bursts out of him occasionally, and it is so hard to see him so sad, so miserable. His faith has suffered badly ("I prayed for them to make it"). And, like for your husband, the work situation currently isn't going too well either. It all piles up into a big lump of sadness and depression. I hope you guys will have some good news soon!
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