Still pregnant, huh?

Holy crap. Guess what? I'm still pregnant. Like as of 5 minutes ago when I heard the baby's heartbeat on my home doppler.  Whaaaaa?!?!? 

This is nuts. 

I'm 11 weeks, 5 days.  The time is creeping sloooooowly along. 

The shock has not subsided. Acceptance is not here either. 

I'm kind of living in a weird state of limbo where my brain can't admit that yes, my body is actually still pregnant and boobs have never looked better. 

My tummy is growing, yet I can't quite bring myself to buy many new clothes yet, for fear that If I had to grieve the loss of this pregnancy and get rid of maternity pants, that it would be an added ounce of pain that isn't worth it yet. 

The f*cked up infertile that I thought I had banished to the basement of my emotions for the past couple years is apparently still alive and well. 

I can't stop thinking that I never even dreamt about a natural pregnancy, since I was 28 years old and I heard our infertility diagnoses because our chances were so bleak. We didn't ever have timed intercourse because I felt like it was pointless (and ha! I thought our treatments would work).  

There was never even a thought in my mind in over 10 years that this could happen.  I thought of it as a small blessing in a way, that I didn't have to get my hopes up every single month for nothing. 

I'm still shaking my head that I'm even writing about such a thing- happening to us. 

I really hope this continues.  What an unbelievably awesome ending it would be to everything we've been through. 

Ultrasound

The baby is actually only 9 weeks, has a strong heart rate and everything is as it should be. 

Bloodwork is all normal, and my hcg is still rising. Now 98,000. 

This is getting real! Wow, just wow. 

Heartbeat

Ok...so there was a heartbeat!!!!!!!!

 170bpm. 

This is freaking nuts. Absolutely mind blowing. 

The doctor says she thinks I would be 10-12 weeks pregnant based on my hcg, uterus size and the baby's (what- did I just write baby!?!?) heart rate. 

Today, I was at a clinic. Long story short I'm away from home for a while and it's harder to get the medical care I'm used to. There was not ultrasound machine, so the doctor used a doppler.  

I got referred for an ultrasound tomorrow.

 

Holy crap

Is anyone still out there? 

I have some crazy news that I'm not sharing with many people in real life. 

I'm pregnant. 

Naturally. 

WTF. 

I thought I was in menopause...seriously. But after feeling tired and grouchy for a while, hubs suggested that I take an HPT. I serious thought I eas having a variety of perimenopausal symptoms.  

I went to a clinic and my HCG was 87,000. 

I am waiting on my doctor's appointment this Wednesday to see if there is an actual live baby inside me. 

After my history, I'm really not getting my hopes up. 

But really, if this does end up working out?!? It's nuts. I only found out last week, and if my calculations are right, I could be 15 weeks along. 

Cue my brain wanting to explode, and needing to get it out somewhere. 

Ps) My pumpkin's amazing & going to be two very soon!