Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Carla's in the hospital

Thank you very much for all of your kind words on my last post.  Reading them warmed my heart and brought tears to my eyes.  I read them again and again. :) It was kind of you to reach out and share in this chapter of our lives.

There have been lots of things happening with Carla in a few short days.

According to the social workers, after our meeting, Carla's condition deteriorated further.  Her behaviour was increasingly agitated and erratic.  They said she was experiencing mania.    She is now in the hospital (at the same one where she plans to deliver), and they plan on keeping her until possibly until the baby is born (she's due October 15th)!

This was surprising news for us to hear.  She was noticeably emotional and agitated during the meeting with us, but we didn't think that was all that strange given the situation.  Having an unplanned pregnancy and anticipating a birth, making an adoption plan, breaking up with the birth father, and meeting us after she wasn't that keen on doing so was A LOT.  Add into the mix, tension and conflict with her relationship with her divorced parents.  We felt like, "who wouldn't be a mess?" under those conditions.  She is experiencing some of the most major things that anyone could possibly experience, and all at once.

I am glad she is in the hospital, because I know she is safe, and the baby is safe.

However, I am also scared for her health now, and after the baby is born.  I am also scared for the stress the baby is under.  I am worried about if they decide that she needs medication, because I know the side effects to the baby can be worrisome.  I feel like this poor little child has already been through so much - smoking, marijuana and stress.   I am glad that she will be less likely to be able to find a way to smoke anything while in the hospital, which is a relief.

I am thankful to live in a country where she can get medical care, even though she does not work.  I am thankful that the people working at the adoption agency took her condition seriously and followed up with her and encouraged her to seek care.  I am thankful that the people at the hospital recognized the need for her to be admitted and are carefully weighing the risks of medicating her.  It is good that her care is happening this major hospital, where she plans to give birth.

I was speaking with my friend Lainey the other day.  She said to me, "people think adoption is all roses.  But there is a lot of pain and loss".  I'm getting deeper understanding of that today.

The social worker also says that in her current state, she is would not be able to sign consents for the adoption.  She said asking Carla to bank the cord blood would be too much at this time, that we should just forget about that.  She left those little bombs on my voicemail.

I'm disappointed about the cord blood.  I know it's a luxury to even think about being able to do such a thing,  but I selfishly feel like how hard could that be after going through a delivery? It doesn't hurt her, but has so many potential benefits for the child.  I get the desire not to add any more stress to her situation, but, uh. :/

I'm not surprised about the consents, but will call the social worker today when D's done his meetings to get more information.   It probably just means a longer wait period before the baby she is able to revoke her parental rights, and uh, more counselling fees for the agency.

One good thing is that I haven't heard that she's been having second thoughts about the adoption plan she's made.  Those will be my comforts for the day.  1.  She's confident in her plan.  2.  She and the baby are in a safe and caring place.

I'm tightening my seatbelt and preparing for what's ahead.


  1. Oh wow... it's seems the journey is never easy. What a roller coaster. I'm definitely with you though: glad she and the baby are safe and glad the plan is to move forward with the adoption. Thinking of you!

  2. Oh my GOD. This is so much for you to go through! And for her, too, of course. You sound steady and ready for whatever comes next. You are taking this so well. I admire you. I am sending out wishes to the universe for your happy ending come mid-October.

  3. Insane. It's like the universe is just going to keep throwing stuff at you right up until that baby is in your arms. You can handle it.

  4. I just wish something could be straight forward for you! I'm hoping Carla is getting the care she needs, which will help her be able to go through the next steps. Thinking of you all.

  5. Phew. I'm with you - what Carla is going through would be a lot for anyone. I hope the situation gets better with time.

  6. why dont you quit acting so put upon? this child is NOT yours yet, not until the mom decides to let you have it. she is the one going through the agony and heartache, and all you can do is make snippy little judgemental comments about her. i wish these moms could find these journals, and get a sense of who they are really working with. i hope she keeps her child, and that you learn a better attitude.

  7. Wow Anonymous!! I don't know what post you read but the one I just read shows a woman who is generally concerned for both the baby and the birthmom. The only one making snippy judgmental comments is YOU!! So maybe you are the one that needs to learn a better attitude and learn to keep your snippy judgmental comments to yourself!

    Julia I am praying all is well with everyone involved! Sending hugs!!

    1. Thanks Michaela. I was thinking of what to write back, if anything, but you did the job.

  8. How stressful for everyone involved! I love your strength and perspective during a very trying time.


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