We visited Carla this weekend. As her mascara streamed down her face I couldn't help but feel a big stab in my heart. She's sacrificed so much for him and for us. I wish I could ease her burden in some significant way.
The only way I know how to help is to share her load is to listen to her feelings and validate them. And to share Babykins. Skype, emails, texts, pictures videos and visits. I genuinely tell her that I love her. That she is family to us now. I tell her how amazing she is and how much she has changed our lives.
I do everything I can think of, but it doesn't even scratch the surface on how full my heart is for her and this precious, amazing little boy.
I want to do something special for her especially this Mother's Day. I hope that we may be able to share the day together because honestly there is no one that I would rather bring in my first Mother's day with than her. And I want Babykins to be with both of us on that day.
I am going to write her a letter and I am thinking of getting a piece of jewelery made for her.
There are so many things that I admire about her. She is so genuine. So funny. So open. So friendly. So nonjudgmental. So loving. So brave and honest.
I'm wondering if you have any ideas on something special I could do for her? I'm not supposed to give her anything with significant value because of the adoption process rules. I'd love to hear your suggestions.
Birth Dad wasn't able to be there. He bailed at the last moment. I don't think he's coping well with all of this. He's an avoider and to complicate things, they are no longer a couple. My hope for him is that he can find some peace in all of this.
Birth Dad wasn't able to be there. He bailed at the last moment. I don't think he's coping well with all of this. He's an avoider and to complicate things, they are no longer a couple. My hope for him is that he can find some peace in all of this.
I lost track of your blog for so long and when I caught up, you babykins. I never found your story of adoption and didn't realize you guys had an open adoption. I think both you and his birth mom are pretty extraordinary woman in my opinion. It has to be so hard on both of you.
ReplyDeleteI think the idea of spending Mother's Day together and giving something to Carla is lovely. What about a small charm braceletwith her and Babykins' initials together, or a locket with a piece of his hair? I don't know how high "significant value" is, but a little keepsake like that shouldn't be super expensive and hopefully would fit within the rules. I love the bond that you are building with her, and I know he'll appreciate it too.
ReplyDeleteI love how open you are with Carla and how sensitive to her needs you are. Hopefully the relationship she's building with Babykins and your immense love for him will give her more comfort and peace as time goes on. I can't remember if Carla had any influence on Babykins name, but maybe a necklace with both their initials? Or all three of your initials on one chain? (Oh I see that Aramis suggested nearly the same thing). If not his initials, maybe his birthstone?
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful relationship you have with Carla - it's just lovely! I LOVE this store's handmade and unique items, and I don't find them to be too pricey! http://thevintagepearl.com/
ReplyDeleteThat is very sweet of you to want to do something for and share Mother's Day with Carla. It really is quite amazing you are able to have such a great relationship with her.
ReplyDeleteIt is so interesting to read how your relationship with her is developing. Your heart is big, lady.
ReplyDeleteThis post touched my heart so much -- the love you have for Carla comes through so clearly. I think it's beautiful to share Mother's Day and it will be so appreciated, if also tough. This is the part of adoption that makes me cry, thinking of the loss that has to happen in order for us to become parents...and I don't have a face for that yet. I'm not sure about gift ideas but it sounds like you have great advice in the comments. I find your relationship with Carla so inspiring! I'm sorry about birth dad, hopefully he finds ways to cope and can be there for Babykins' sake later. I hope you find a good solution for your Mother's Day gift! So very thoughtful.
ReplyDeleteI love these suggestions and comments. You are the best!
ReplyDeleteYou are an extraordinary person and mother. I'm not sure I could be as strong and level headed as you are. I bet a piece of jewelry that she could have with her everyday and could clutch at any moment she feels like she needs to, would be touching for her. Maybe a locket? With a picture of her & him on one side and you and him on the other?
ReplyDeleteNot sure I have any good suggestions, but I bet a heartfelt letter would be well-received and appreciated. I'm really into necklaces with initials right now - I wear one for each of my girls. Maybe something like that?
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