Houston: We have contact!

There was glorious progress.

Contact #1:

A text from one friend.  She was the one who called and left a message last week.  It said she was thinking of me, and asked if I had time for a chat?   I said I did, to call anytime and she called me within a few minutes.

Not going to lie, the conversation was a tad awkward.  But not dreadfully so.   There was no small talk.  The first thing she asked was how I was doing.  I replied, "kind of crappy".   She told me that she was so sorry, and said a few other things along those lines.

It felt awkward, so I asked her how she was doing?  She sounded sick and she told me that on Friday they had to put her mother-in-law in a retirement home somewhat suddenly because of her Alzheimer's.   She and her hubby have had a lot on their plate too.  I empathized with her about that.  It really must be hard for them, and I wanted to let her know that I know she's been stressed too.

In my typical style, I started to feel guilty.  They have been going through their own big stuff too.  I told this to D and his was response was "Ya, but it takes 5 seconds to send a text'.  Good point, I suppose.

I made a mental note to follow up with her in a week to see how MIL is adjusting and how hubby is doing.

She asked if I was sure I was feeling up to the weekend visit.  She said it was ok to reschedule.  I said I didn't know, that I would like to see everyone.  I would see how I was feeling in a couple of weeks.

At the end of the call, the conversation went back to talking a bit about infertility and adoption.   Honestly, after not sleeping last night I wasn't in my best form to have the conversation.  I felt a bit tired and lazy, and also like I wanted to give her the light version of everything.  No need to shock her when she was trying.

She told me to call her anytime I wanted to talk.  I told her that I had a hard time doing that, knowing of how busy her schedule was.  She offered a solution.  She said to text anytime, that her kids were at the age now where they will watch TV.  She said anytime I wanted there was a 58 minute movie that they loved, and she'd pop it in anytime and call me.   I thought it was very sweet of her to say that.

All in all, the call was somewhat uncomfortable, and felt a bit forced to me (because it was!).  I remind myself that part of this experience was about spreading the word, and giving people a glimpse of what I need.   I hope that this conversation really just set the stage for the future more than anything.

Contact #2:

The other friend texted to check in on me, the one whose mother was sick.   We chatted briefly about her mother via text.  It was good.  I wasn't mad at her because she called me a few times already.

Contact #3

She texted and said she was thinking of me everyday, and asked me how I was doing.  She offered to come down and visit me (we live 2 hours apart).  I texted back.  She didn't write back yet.  She's a bit sporadic with texting on a good day, so I'm not surprised.   I'm happy though that she reached out.

Contact #4

A bonus contact.  My youngest brother called.  I'm one of five siblings.  We haven't talked for more than a couple of minutes here and there in a couple of months.   Part of the way through the call I said, "Things have been pretty rough in ___(where we live)___.  Have you heard?"  He said that yes, our Mom told him.   Then, he actually said "cue inspirational phrase here".   Wow.  Just wow.  His response was so brutal, but I had to laugh at his honesty.  Then he said "Well, try to stay positive.  Everything happens for a reason".  I told him I used to believe that, that I don't anymore because thinking that someone was doing this to me for some purpose didn't make me feel any better.  He said sorry, then he changed the topic.

My brother has some learning to do in this department I'd say.  Actually, it made me feel bad for his long time girlfriend.  I hope that he is able to offer her more support when she needs it, than what he demonstrated here.

I took comfort in his effort to call more than his words.  He tried, and I appreciate that.

Contact #5

Holy cow, did the universe respond or what?  5 contacts!

My Dad called and offered again to come down for a visit.  He's offered this twice already, but I turned him down.  He lives a 5 hour drive away and honestly I just wanted to sit around and cry all day.  Not sit around with my Dad and think about how I wish I was alone and crying.

He had a little project that he wanted to do (it's a table that I need with some customization).  He found a table base and suggested that we go to Father-in-law's shop to build it.  My Dad's handy too.  It would be a project for the three of us.  He said he was bored and looking for something to do.  Really, I think it was a little of that, but that he's also worried about us.

I liked the idea of the project, and I relented.  He's coming Tuesday night.

Missing contact:

Friend who didn't even bother to text or do anything last week.  I found out that no one had been able to get ahold of her to tell her the news, but she found out Saturday.   As of today (Monday at noon), she had not sent a message or anything.  She's the one who I'm not close with and so I don't even care.  I would like to dis-invite her from the weekend (and perhaps the rest of my life) but I won't do that...today.    She's always been the one in the group who is not as connected, and always has been.  No tears shed over this one, but it has been noted.


Reminding me of the past:

For some reason all of this reminds me of an experience that I had in university.  I was seeing a guy who would treat me ok sometimes, and then not call for stretches of time.   I can't believe I ever put up with being treated this way, but I think I was a bit blinded by infatuation.  Actually, this happened twice now that I think of it.   At the time I was feeling like I really wanted a boyfriend, and truthfully I was kind of desperate.  There were no other boyfriend prospects on the horizon.  After some agonizing, thinking that maybe something's better than nothing? I dumped their asses.

You know what?  I thought I would feel sad that I was alone.  But, it felt amazing.  Freeing.  Empowering.   It was hard, but told myself that I mattered and deserved better and I did something about it.   This all feels strangely similar to me.  Except better.