Post Surgery Update

I'm sitting in the Denver Airport waiting to depart for home.

I had my surgery yesterday. I think all in all it was a success.  I feel pretty good, minus the cold I'm sure I got from someone coughing beside me (not into his sleeve-ew!) on the airport shuttle.

 The plan was for Dr. Schoolie to take a look around and ligate or remove my left tube if it was blocked. The surgery ended up only taking 20 minutes because he chose not to ligate or remove the tube.  I'm happy to have my one in a million chance of still getting pregnant naturally from that tube. 

He said the tube was slightly dilated and abnormal.  He also said that he did the die test again to see what was shown the first time. He said that the tube swelled at first, that there were likely "cob webs" at the end, but the dye did spill, albeit slowly.   He also said the cyst was gone on my left ovary and that he could see the corpus luteum from where I ovulated.

He said we could start the pre-meds for a cycle as soon as my next cycle! When I asked him if he preferred DHEA or the testosterone for my protocol, he said testosterone. He said it was studied more and more well proven.  That was interesting to me because I took DHEA last time because the nurse said the doctor didn't have a preference. I think I will kindly mention this to her the next time I talk with her so she doesn't say that to anyone else.  It's not a huge deal, but I think it should be mentioned.

All of this means that our actual IVF cycle could be as soon as early April. For that, I am very thankful. Dr. Schoolie says if we can make a normal embryo he feels we have a good shot with my uterus.  I'm very thankful for that too.

Sidelined

Well it's official, I've been sidelined.

The doctor says that cysts over 15mm will impair the way my body responds.  The nurse said that with my history we need "all our ducks in a row".  She's hoping it resolves itself by next month.

The good news - I called right away to get my laparoscopy/ligation moved.  And within an hour I got a call back! I'm tentatively booked for February 19th.  The coordinator just needs to double check with the surgical department before we book our flights.  Worst case scenario it will be later in the week.

Maybe they will be able to drain the cyst while they are in there taking a look around?  It could be an added bonus.

I feel like we've just dodged a huge bullet.  It's not what I obviously would have planned, but I'll take it.

This change of plans might also lend itself well for me having my aunt as a travel companion.  I'm trying to see the silver lining.

CD2 Labs

My CD2 labs are:

Estrodiol 302
Progesterone 0.4

I guess that means the cyst is an estrogen producing one.  I looked back at my last IVF labs.  On CD3 My Estrodiol was 3.5 and my Progesterone was 0.2.

They didn't ask for my FSH or LH to be run this time.  Weird.

I'm waiting for a call back from Colorado, to see what this means.

An IF side effect

I have many emotional IF side effects.  Extra anxiety, check. A little depressed, check.  Mood swings, check and check.  And the list goes on.

One of the more strange ones is that I tend to think that everyone who has even a hint IF must have severe infertility.  I jump right to the worst case prognosis.   It doesn't matter if the person only has an increased risk for IF.  If they haven't conceived in 6 months I start feeling panicky for them.  Even if they aren't trying I worry.  I don't always vocalize (or type) these concerns but I'm sure that it seeps out from time to time.

In other parts of my life I try to be more positive. Well, I'm being brutally honest at least I do outwardly.  But in this, I don't do well.  I feel like it's going to be hard for them.  I feel like they all need to get to a top specialist and start taking drugs and supplements - and fast.  That they need to read every book under the sun and learn every little thing about their condition.  Even if they don't have a condition.  Even when the condition they do have is easily treated.

I should know by now, that things just work out for some people.  Some of them have take a little Clomid and got knocked up.  Some of them don't take Clomid and get knocked up.   But the rational part of my brain disappears and goes into overdrive when I hear someone has infertility.

I have to actively tell myself when I learn of another person's IF to relax! Take a deep breath and calm down! I try to tell myself that just because it has been like this for us for us, doesn't mean it's going to be like that for them.

Do any of you do this too?

Fertility Karma?

Yesterday I was all "look at me, I've had 15 baseline checks and I've never had a cyst".  

Today, I spent 25 minutes on the second day of my cycle in stirrups at my local RE's office.  The first nurse (who I know well and trust) had a hard time locating my left ovary.  This didn't freak me out because it always hides.  She's a lazy-lefty.  It is only CD2, so I figured maybe it was just chillin'.  

After 5 minutes, Nurse #1 called for nurse #2 to come in and give it a try.  She thought maybe she remembered where it was. 

I offered that I thought they usually found it under my uterus.  I also mentioned that there were notes in my records because it likes to play hard to get.  She asked me if "I had ever had a cyst before?"  I told her "no, never".  Nurse #1 went to look in my file, and asked me if I was ok to hold my own magic wand.  I felt like it was a little right of passage at the clinic.  You know you've been around along time when you get to hold your own wand.   It was surprisingly huge.  I never really made eye contact with it while it was in me before.  It was a new level of awkwardness.  

Nurse #2 entered and took over to see if she could locate it.  

After a few minutes, I told her that I knew where it was in the medical records.  Nurse #1 brought me the chart and I found it right away.   It was written in really small print so I'm not surprised she couldn't find the note. 

Nurse #2 dug around looking for gold for.ev.er.  I held down on my abdomen trying to help things along at their request.   It wasn't uncomfortable, except for the fact that I am on CD2 and that is a long time for someone to be wiggling the dildo cam in there.  

Nurse #2 asked a question you never want to really hear.   She references a large circular black mass on the ultrasound screen, and asks "Is that her bladder?"  Ummm... ok.  I'll try not to be alarmed that you don't know the difference between my bladder and my ovary.  Nurse #1 says maybe it's endometria?  She asks me if I've had that before? I said no.  

I'm starting to get alarmed.   However, I didn't show it.  I'm as cool as a cucumber, even though I have a huge cucumber hanging out of my vagina. 

I tell them to "take as long as you need.  I'm comfortable and it's all good.  I know it's hard to find". 

They apologize and tell me they just want to get this right because the results are going to Colorado.  

After a few more minutes, they call in Nurse #3 from the neighbouring clinic.  She works for a different doctor. 

She grabbed the dildo cam and announces confidently "There's the right.  Oh, and yes.  There's the left.  That's a cyst.".  

<Insert my very foul language here>

A freaking cyst.   

Nurse #1 apologizes and says because of my history, she just didn't think it was a cyst.  It measures 1.7cm x 2.2 cm.  

I get dressed and they give me copies of the ultrasound reports.  We talk about what this means.  Cysts are new to me.  I don't speak cyst.  Other than what I've read on Resolve.org I really don't know much about them.  I haven't had to learn about them.  It's a whole new game. 

I ask her "is this is a big one?"  She says "yes, it's pretty big".  She tells me we'll need to see what my estrogen levels come back as.  That they will need to see if it is an estrogen sucking cyst (I think this is the gist that's what she said anyways, shock had started to set in and I stopped comprehending well).  They want my estrogen to be below 40.  She talked about aspirating it.  She didn't talk about cancelling the cycle.  She didn't have to because the writing was clearly on the wall.   I told her about the surgery I was planning for April.  I wondered if Colorado might just switch my surgery date with the IVF date.  

This wouldn't be the best plan because I had been priming for this cycle with DHEA, progesterone and CoQ10.  But maybe it could salvage this month?

On the way home I daydreamed about donor eggs, and freaked out about my Gonal-F expiration dates (BTW,  they are 2014, phew!).  I bought myself a decaf coffee and a buttery flaky tea biscuit from McDonalds.  I cried a bit and then thought f*** it.  I don't feel like feeling like crap today.  

Some Good News

Thought I hit publish yesterday, but I guess I didn't... oops.



We've had some good news! ***Happy Dance!!! ****

1. My younger brother got his first "real" job.  He's a teacher and it's difficult to land a job where he lives but he got creative he did it!

2.  Another friend after almost a year of unemployment was told that she is this.close to an offer of employment!

3.   Today I got my period, and on time!  This means tomorrow I go for a suppression check and then we are off to the races to start stims.  I've thankfully never failed a suppression check so hopefully this one will be no different.

4.  Yesterday we put an offer on a property in my hometown.  We know who the seller is and we hear they are motivated to sell.  We are hoping to make a deal!  It's the perfect location for us and the house is very livable right now, which was not the case for a few we looked at.  As of right now, if we got an accepted offer, the plan is keep the property as a cottage buy a little boat and live there NEXT SUMMER (whoot- whoot!) and then increase our time there.  We would renovate it eventually (it's always been a dream of mine to build a home).  We are in discussions about moving there full time.  D works from home so this could work for us.  

5.  I am still attending boot camp.  Yeah me! I'm proud of myself. I've been going 3-4x per week.  I also have a get out of jail free card coming for exercise - nothing other than light exercise after day 4 of stims.  I like guilt free non-exercising!

6.  My aunt offered to travel with Colorado with me.  She's newly retired and said it would be a nice trip for her.   I'm grateful for this.  She's the best aunt anyone could ask for.  In many ways she acts like more of a mother to me than my own.

I'm still working on the bathroom but need to go and pick out the tile.  I've been procrastinating a bit.  The toilet and sink are cream coloured and the shower has grey tile. I would like to change the sink to white.  However all of our toilets in our house are cream coloured and I really don't feel like updating them all.  I'm not sure if the money spent doing so will increase the value of our house.  I think the money could be better spent elsewhere if we chose to spend.

I'm also working on the curriculum for the kids program I run once a week.  I despise this part of things.

The other thing I am doing is working on an annual summary of our lives.  This is the 4th year I've done this.  I write out all of the good and some of the not so good events that happened throughout the year.  This helps me with my memory (it's not the best).  Also I think it's neat to reflect over the years that have passed.   It makes me feel productive and good to look back at all of the things we did.  It's also kind of validating in a weird way.  2012 was a tough year for us fertility-wise.  Two miscarriages before March,  1 surgery and 3 fertility procedures.

My Dad says he feels like good things are going to happen in 2013 for me and my siblings.  So far my two brothers have been having a good year with the new job and new baby.   I really hope he's right!

PS) I forgot to take before pics of the bathroom! Boo!

Keeping busy

Well, I've been attempting to keep busy.  I am the kind of person who always needs a little project on the go.  I thought about doing a few different things, but the task that I picked was to do a mini reno on my basement guest bathroom.  It had linoleum floor that I've always despised.  It was neutral but damaged.  It also had an 80's fabulous border around the top of the walls and mirror.  Nice!

With my father in law's help I'm going to try my hand at tiling the floor.

Wish me luck!