Fertility Karma?

Yesterday I was all "look at me, I've had 15 baseline checks and I've never had a cyst".  

Today, I spent 25 minutes on the second day of my cycle in stirrups at my local RE's office.  The first nurse (who I know well and trust) had a hard time locating my left ovary.  This didn't freak me out because it always hides.  She's a lazy-lefty.  It is only CD2, so I figured maybe it was just chillin'.  

After 5 minutes, Nurse #1 called for nurse #2 to come in and give it a try.  She thought maybe she remembered where it was. 

I offered that I thought they usually found it under my uterus.  I also mentioned that there were notes in my records because it likes to play hard to get.  She asked me if "I had ever had a cyst before?"  I told her "no, never".  Nurse #1 went to look in my file, and asked me if I was ok to hold my own magic wand.  I felt like it was a little right of passage at the clinic.  You know you've been around along time when you get to hold your own wand.   It was surprisingly huge.  I never really made eye contact with it while it was in me before.  It was a new level of awkwardness.  

Nurse #2 entered and took over to see if she could locate it.  

After a few minutes, I told her that I knew where it was in the medical records.  Nurse #1 brought me the chart and I found it right away.   It was written in really small print so I'm not surprised she couldn't find the note. 

Nurse #2 dug around looking for gold for.ev.er.  I held down on my abdomen trying to help things along at their request.   It wasn't uncomfortable, except for the fact that I am on CD2 and that is a long time for someone to be wiggling the dildo cam in there.  

Nurse #2 asked a question you never want to really hear.   She references a large circular black mass on the ultrasound screen, and asks "Is that her bladder?"  Ummm... ok.  I'll try not to be alarmed that you don't know the difference between my bladder and my ovary.  Nurse #1 says maybe it's endometria?  She asks me if I've had that before? I said no.  

I'm starting to get alarmed.   However, I didn't show it.  I'm as cool as a cucumber, even though I have a huge cucumber hanging out of my vagina. 

I tell them to "take as long as you need.  I'm comfortable and it's all good.  I know it's hard to find". 

They apologize and tell me they just want to get this right because the results are going to Colorado.  

After a few more minutes, they call in Nurse #3 from the neighbouring clinic.  She works for a different doctor. 

She grabbed the dildo cam and announces confidently "There's the right.  Oh, and yes.  There's the left.  That's a cyst.".  

<Insert my very foul language here>

A freaking cyst.   

Nurse #1 apologizes and says because of my history, she just didn't think it was a cyst.  It measures 1.7cm x 2.2 cm.  

I get dressed and they give me copies of the ultrasound reports.  We talk about what this means.  Cysts are new to me.  I don't speak cyst.  Other than what I've read on Resolve.org I really don't know much about them.  I haven't had to learn about them.  It's a whole new game. 

I ask her "is this is a big one?"  She says "yes, it's pretty big".  She tells me we'll need to see what my estrogen levels come back as.  That they will need to see if it is an estrogen sucking cyst (I think this is the gist that's what she said anyways, shock had started to set in and I stopped comprehending well).  They want my estrogen to be below 40.  She talked about aspirating it.  She didn't talk about cancelling the cycle.  She didn't have to because the writing was clearly on the wall.   I told her about the surgery I was planning for April.  I wondered if Colorado might just switch my surgery date with the IVF date.  

This wouldn't be the best plan because I had been priming for this cycle with DHEA, progesterone and CoQ10.  But maybe it could salvage this month?

On the way home I daydreamed about donor eggs, and freaked out about my Gonal-F expiration dates (BTW,  they are 2014, phew!).  I bought myself a decaf coffee and a buttery flaky tea biscuit from McDonalds.  I cried a bit and then thought f*** it.  I don't feel like feeling like crap today.