Testosterone freaking me out

We had just come from dinner at a friend's house on Saturday night.  She's a home gourmet and a super great cook and baker.  They are very health conscious.  They eat very healthy meals throughout the week and on the weekend they cheat.   Over dinner we had a lot of conversation about GMO foods, organics, juicing, and hormone free meat.   She made us a super yummy meal.  A shrimp dip appetizer, homemade italian wedding soup, salad, beer braised short ribs and sweet potato mash.  For dessert we had a pumpkin and cheese cake tart.  Yummy, yum, yum.  We talk photography and lots of other things, while our hubbies talk business.  We're so lucky to have them as friends.

Thinking about the toxins in our foods freaks me out.  But up until this point, I've taken the bury my head in the sand approach.  I don't think of it often and I've been too cheap to actually buy organic food.  The grocery stores where we live don't have a lot of organic options, which kind of stinks.

We share something else in common with our friends.  They also have fertility issues.  After failed ART attempts, they have been in the process of getting their home study completed for domestic adoption.  (Although side note: I don't know if they are really ready for adoption because they have been working on their home study for well over a year and still don't have it finalized.) She told me she thought there was still a chance for them to get pregnant naturally.  She turned 40 this year and they have male and female factor infertility.

We had a really nice evening with them, and then returned home.  It was my first night to begin the testosterone patches.  When I talked to the pharmacist earlier in the day, she told me she had never seen this prescribed to a woman before, or for female infertility.  She gave me the hand out that came with the patches.  She couldn't really tell me where to put the patches or much else about using it.   So, when I got home from dinner, I read the information sheet on the testosterone patches.  Nothing was earth shattering.  Except that none of it was written for a female, and it said that females aren't supposed to take it, or handle it, duh.

I had not researched anything about females taking testosterone for infertility.  I had not read any studies.   I had not  even typed the words "testosterone and female infertility" into google.  This is so not me.

I think I was blocking out everything infertility out for the past few weeks.  (Hence the lack of posting here).  This approach was working.  Until it didn't.  At midnight, after I slapped on the patch, laying in bed I started to tear up (and get super bitchy).  I am sick of taking all of these drugs.  I am sick of the side effects.  I felt overwhelmed.

I thought about our friends.  They are doing everything they can to be healthy and avoid toxins and hormones that are in minuscule amounts in their foods.  I, on the other hand do none of this, and not only that, but I purposefully and willingly expose myself to all kinds of drugs.

D told me that I shouldn't take it if I don't want to.  That we could switch back to the DHEA.  I decided to take it for the night and do the research in the morning.  But D got out of bed and did some quick research.  It seems it is not completely uncommon.  There is supportive research.  It  put my mind at ease (somewhat).

I keep telling myself that we are nearing the end of all of this.  This is it.  No more drugs soon.  I think.


Update: I found this article which summarizes the benefits of the testosterone/androgen therapy which I thought was helpful.  It's not a journal but it summarizes journal findings. It totally reduced my anxiety.

http://www.infertilitysolutions.com/AndrogensForInfertility.html