Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Are we doing the right thing?

The risks seem higher this time.

We've already dumped an disgusting amount of money into the IF money pit.  Worse yet, we've spent 5 1/2 years of our lives.

I keep wondering if we are doing the right thing.

This decision to move to donor egg isn't sitting perfectly with me yet.  I'm scared that we're going to look back at this decision and see more money and more time wasted.  It still doesn't seem real that this  could actually work.

It's such a strange thing, especially since we've never faced such promising odds for a baby, ever.  Not even close.  An 80% chance of bringing home a live baby seems amazing.  Almost impossible to believe.

My fears:

  • I'm scared that we're not going to have the emotional strength to navigate through more of these waters if this doesn't work. 
  • I'm scared that we should be pouring our energy into traditional adoption. 

Pursuing both traditional adoption and egg donation concurrently does not seem doable, but I wonder if we should push ourselves to do it anyways.

I'm also scared that I'm selling myself short on this "openness" thing.  My post yesterday really made me reflect.  I think that it is a best case scenario that we were lucky to have.  Our next experience might not be that positive.  But I can't help but think that we have an obligation to provide the most information possible to our children.   I think I would want it if I was born from an egg donor.  D still doesn't seem to care either way.


  1. I can't tell you how often (especially the past few weeks as our donor is in-cycle) that I've had these same fears. I guess after giving up on my eggsF, I'm not quite ready to give up on my body. I have to at least try this before I can have "no regrets" especially with such good odds. The best I've ever been given by a gigantic mile. I wish you much peace as you sort all of your emotions out. xo

    1. I'm not ready to give up on my body either. But at the same time I've gained a hefty dose of distrust for it. I know I would regret not trying donor egg, I think...? If I had a child in my arms maybe it wouldn't matter at all how they got there. Thanks for the note. Would love to read an update on your blog too of how everything's going.

  2. I did pursue both donor eggs (and then moved onto donor embryos) and traditional adoption at the same time.

    I am currently finishing up my last donor cycle and I am currently an adopted parent in waiting.

    I have been an adoptive parent in waiting for a year and a half now.

    I am glad I pursued both at the same time and if both work I will be doubly blessed!

  3. I'm so sorry you're facing these decisions. :( It's so hard to pick up and move forward with anything with 100% certainty after all the money and all the years. Praying for you.

  4. M and I have been having this conversation a lot lately as well. It's a big decision to make. I don't have the answers but I just feel like when you've chosen the path that works for you, you'll know.

  5. Thinking of you and praying for you to come to a decision that brings you peace!

    I am a former anonymous egg donor and feel very sure and positive of my involvement in the process. I can't tell you how many people have asked me how it feels to "have other children out there." It's so not about that to me! I feel strongly that it is more about the child's relationship with it's mother and father than about my involvement in providing genetic material.

    I am currently carrying a child conceived with anonymous donor sperm. Although we will eventually tell our child of how it was created, its relationship with my husband is so much more important to us. We have some great information to share with the child (medical background, baby pics, staff essay, donor questionnaire, and donor essay). To us, this is enough to give the child the information it will most likely desire without bringing in the issue of fatherhood. Does that make sense?

    These children grow in our hearts long before genetic material is combined. To us, material is less important than love.


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