The risks seem higher this time.
We've already dumped an disgusting amount of money into the IF money pit. Worse yet, we've spent 5 1/2 years of our lives.
I keep wondering if we are doing the right thing.
This decision to move to donor egg isn't sitting perfectly with me yet. I'm scared that we're going to look back at this decision and see more money and more time wasted. It still doesn't seem real that this could actually work.
It's such a strange thing, especially since we've never faced such promising odds for a baby, ever. Not even close. An 80% chance of bringing home a live baby seems amazing. Almost impossible to believe.
- I'm scared that we're not going to have the emotional strength to navigate through more of these waters if this doesn't work.
- I'm scared that we should be pouring our energy into traditional adoption.
Pursuing both traditional adoption and egg donation concurrently does not seem doable, but I wonder if we should push ourselves to do it anyways.
I'm also scared that I'm selling myself short on this "openness" thing. My post yesterday really made me reflect. I think that it is a best case scenario that we were lucky to have. Our next experience might not be that positive. But I can't help but think that we have an obligation to provide the most information possible to our children. I think I would want it if I was born from an egg donor. D still doesn't seem to care either way.