This is getting a little too real... money for eggs and babies

Things have been moving along with our egg donor and adoption plans. I can tell by our bank account. 

Our homestudy is well on it's way to be completed.  The social worker is taking off for a month, but says she'll have our report completed in early January, which is fine with me.  On the egg donor front we've got the paperwork almost completed, and the donor is scheduled to do her one day work up soon. 

I'm hoping for the donor to start taking stims within 2 months.  We'll have 1 month for the CCS testing to come back (If we decide to do that again), and then the next month (maybe February) we'll be all set to go with a transfer. 

I'm gagging at the amount of money this is going to cost.

In case any of you were wondering:  

To the donor agency:

Set 1: Administrative Fees:

$5750.00 – Administrative Fees for coordination of cycle

$ 400.00 – Donor legal consultation

$ 300.00 – Supplemental Donor insurance

..................... Total: $6,450

Set 2: Donor Fees:

$6000.00 – donor fee

$  400.00 – estimated donor expenses (local mileage, prenatal vitamins, birth control etc.  These fees are due in check form and any portion not used would be refunded to you at the end of the cycle.) 


.................. Total: $6,400

To CCRM:
$23,955.00 + $3690 (ICSI, IMSI, PICSI) + $6,800 CCS testing

.............. Total: $34,445

Meds:  $5-7000
................ Total: Let's say $6,000

Grand total: A gagging $53,295 or $46,495 without the CCS.  We might need to forgo the CCS. 

F*ck.  And that doesn't include our travel to CCRM or lost work time for my self employed hubby. 

Or, what we've already flushed on 5 years worth of embryo adoption and our other fertility treatments.  

On the adoption front, they tell us that we can expect the pleasure of paying around $20,000 after homestudy expenses.  The agency also informs us that the birth mother can back out and leave us stuck paying the majority of that fee.  Whaaaaat?  that better not happen because I don't think I could handle it.  I can't even think about being in that boat, especially after paying for all of this egg donor stuff (not to mention the emotional problems associated).  

Don't get me wrong,  I'm very thankful that hubby has a job that has even allowed us to consider egg donation as an option.  I realize the fortune that we have being able to try to do this, no matter how hard it's going to be.  But, I still can't bring myself to feel happy about draining what's left of our savings.  I also can't help but dwell on wishing baby making for us was just a roll in the hay. 

...And I wonder why I'm feeling depressed all of the time.