This is still happening!

Thank you so much for all of your heartfelt comments. They really were fun to read! It all still doesn't seem real...

I told someone that this feels like winning the lottery.  I keep thinking things like; "Someone picked us for their baby!", "There is a baby kicking and growing right now that is going to come home with us ...and SOON!", "I wonder what the Birth Mom and Dad are thinking about right now?" The thought of it all truly astounds me. 

I thought a match for us would be so far away.  I can't believe it that this all happened so fast.  We only finalized our profile with the agency in early June. After 7 years of waiting for baby, I guess I got used to things happening at a snail's pace. 

I've talked about my hesitancy with the adoption process in the past. I felt scared that I would feel pressure to accept a match that wasn't right for us, or guilt about turing a situation down. I was scared that the birth parents would change their minds and we would end up even more heartbroken.   

I don't feel that anymore, which is surprising to me.  D says that I've been ready for this moment for longer than I knew, perhaps as early as when we first decided to adopt embryos, many years ago.  I think it's because it's the right match for us. 

D is very anxious about something going wrong (mostly that the birth parents change their mind) and being devastated again.  I can tell he is worried about me being so excited. 

It's in the back of my mind too, but I am trying not to let that doubt ruin this happy time. Most people get 9 months + to be excited about their baby coming. We only get 2 months, and I don't want to waste that time on excessive worrying. 

With everything that just happened with our friends and their adoption, I suppose D's anxiety is not surprising.  The only surprising part, might be that I'm not feeling it as much, even though I am a big worrier too. 

As my Grandmother said, even people who are pregnant feel anxious about the birth, and that something could go wrong.  It's part of expecting. 

Don't get me wrong, there is a part of me that is fr-eak-ing out and scared shitless.  However, I am way more excited.  

This feels right to me. It feels like the right match and the right time. 

We have told some of people in our life who we are closest too. It's been so fun sharing this good news and hearing their reactions. People are so genuinely happy for us. It feels great. 

We will wait to tell more people until after we meet with the birth parents in September.  After we meet with them, our match will be considered official. 

From there, we will prepare for the baby (a nursery- OMG!!!!) and wait for him/her to arrive. 

It is our hope that the baby will leave the hospital with us. After the birth, there is a waiting period for the paperwork to be completed etc. if all goes smoothly, the adoption could be finalized 29 days after the baby is born. 

We will be holding our breath until that day. And then, we will shout it from the roof tops!   

Strangely, I feel really unprepared for an infant.  You would think that in 7 years of trying for a baby, and seeing my friends with theirs, that we would have spent some time thinking about, you know, parenting!?!! Or having a list of boys and girl names? Or having a mental list of things we will or won't do. But we haven't allowed ourselves this luxury before.  

I guess it all felt too heartbreaking, before and too painful of a reminder of we were so desperately missing. I can't wait to start learning about all of this stuff. 

Until we meet the birth parents (in early September), I am going to focus on finishing up my home projects.  When I wrote the update post recently, including a list of some of the home projects we did, I almost wrote about how all of the stuff I was doing felt like nesting.  

I thought I was "nesting" for our 2WW from next frozen transfer and possibly a pregnancy. Guess the universe had something different in mind. :)

Next week, I plan to meet with my family doctor and a lactation consultant to discuss breastfeeding (I'm just researching my options and haven't decided what I want to do yet- more on this topic to come, and comments on this are appreciated and welcomed). I want to also make some lists of what we will need for the baby, so when we get the next green light (the September meeting), we can go out and get things after.  I want to do lots of reading too. 

Especially because the BMom is a smoker, I want to be prepared for a baby that could come early. 

As for the BMom and Bdad's social and medical histories, we got some more information. I feel really good about their situations (I just wish there was no smoking-but that goes without saying).  I can't wait to meet them, and see what their personalities are like, what they look like, and see that precious bump that holds our future. 

Holy cow. This is still happening. 

J 

Ps) I'm looking to read more adoption blogs, are there any you would recommend?