Tuesday, 11 February 2014
A strange feeling
What is that? I turn my face slightly toward the ceiling and squint my eyes a little bit.
Is that a little hope I'm feeling?
Oh man, it's been a while...
I almost didn't recognize it.
At the mall today, I turned and looked through the window of a maternity clothing store. Can you imagine such a crazy thing?!?
I have caught myself reading about baby names on more than one occasion. Even thinking about twin names, bahahaha! I was scared that it might induce a baby hangover, but I didn't care.
I've been thinking about my minor home reno projects that involve painting or other chemicals, and wondering if those will ever get done. Because, you know I might be pregnant soon and all.
I'm livin' on the wild side here, folks.
A huge part of me doesn't want my hopes up in fear of the crash. And oh, it will be a big one if this doesn't work.... but I don't want to think about that now. I cannot help it. I'm actually starting to get a teeny tiny bit excited for our upcoming transfer which is tentatively scheduled for the first of March.
Oooh. The first of March, that means a November due date. See what I mean? My mind is wandering these days to places it hasn't been in a long, long time.
The hope of today feels to me like the first few times we tried donor embryos. Except this time it comes with a side of 'a lot more pressure' and 'scared shitless of failure'.
This is first time we're doing this with odds significantly in our favour (Dr. Schoolcraft said 80%). My uterus is good. I think. The embryos will be good. I hope. Holy crap, this just might be it.