Feeling a little anxious

It's been a hectic couple of days.  Especially because my previously very healthy Grandpa had a stroke on Thursday.  We rushed to where he was (4 hour drive) to see him at the hospital.  We were told that he had a bleed deep within his brain and that if it didn't stop within 6 hours that it would likely be fatal.  Thankfully, it did stop.  He was left with some left side weakness.  It was all too familiar territory, having been through this with my sister.  Although thankfully, his stroke was much less severe it now seems.   A few nights after he had a seizure in his sleep.   When he awoke, he actually had more use of his weak arm than he did before the seizure.  Last night he had another seizure and he's been put on meds that sedate him.  It's hard to say where he's at today.

I've been struggling with feelings of wanting to switch back to egg donation and skip the OE IVF.  I'm done with this roller-coaster.  After a big talk, I know D is too.   He wants to continue with this OE IVF for closure, then move onto traditional adoption.  I'm stuck between wanting to try the OE IVF and move right to DE.  I don't feel ready to move onto traditional adoption.   I wish I did.  He thinks my body is defective (my words not his), I think my body wants to be pregnant, and just hasn't really had the chance yet.   Not to mention that DE opens another can of worms because D's sperm isn't so hot either.

So we are still waiting for CD 1... again.  And hoping that the cyst disappears on it's own.  We're in no-man's land with decisions at this point.