Monday, 1 April 2013

2 moments

I had a moment today.  Where I was thinking about the mental health issues in my family tree (mostly depression and anxiety).  I was also thinking about how I'm pretty sure that my skin is aging faster than any of my friends.  And a few other things.

All in all, I'm fortunate that there is nothing tremendously bad in my family tree.

I can't help but think about what my family medical problems would look like on paper.  And how nice some of the egg donor's profiles look comparatively.

I'm really hoping this cycle with my own eggs works out.  Most of that hope though is around not having to go through another round of bad news, or worse yet a loss.   I'm so ready to be a Mama.


This morning at boot camp (yeah me! I'm still going!!), we were doing shoulder push ups.  While I mostly despise all of the exercises, this one is especially yucky.  I have strong muscular legs but weak arms.  The athletic looking girl beside me told me she hates these.  I said me too!  Then she said she hates them because she's pregnant and they make her feel sick.  :S

I spent a few minutes later on wondering if she was going to ask me if I had kids.  Thankfully, she didn't.  In my head I was mulling over saying "No, I've got infertility".   I felt like saying it might ward off any future talk with her on the topic of her growing bump (which is non-existent right now).  I don't know her at all but there's something kind of freeing I find about telling a stranger about a little secret sometimes.

It's better she didn't ask I think, and that I didn't tell.


  1. I too have weak arms! And bad shoulders. Ugh. Kudos for continuing to go to boot camp. I need to do something, and FAST! I hope that things work out for you with a BFP soon!

  2. I've got the weakest arms ever! I get the same feeling when strangers ask me about children. Majority of the time I want to sob to them about infertility, only because they don't know me, and I am sure my friends and family are sick of hearing about it from me!

  3. So glad there were no follow up questions to that. What a blow first thing in the morning!

    Congrats on keeping up the workout!

  4. ohhhh the dreaded "do you have kids?" question. I usually respond by saying "I'm working on it!" hahaha... but I agree there is something very liberating about telling a stranger little secrets. It feels good to let it go.

    Good for you for continuing with boot camp! I don't think I could do it.

    1. I usually say to strangers "I'd like to someday". I feel like this answer could be interpreted many ways, that a) we're not trying yet b) we like kids c) we are trying.

      Lately I just find it easier to tell the truth to people. Otherwise I get stuck in super awkward and painful conversations. I don't care anymore, it's no secret. Yes. I've been married for 7 years and I don't have kids - it's for a reason.

      I try to break the silence when I can. Especially if I trust the person enough to not be a total loser in their response to me. Sometimes I get burned, and sometimes I get a nice boost of support from it too.

  5. OMG, what are the chances??!!! I do too have strong legs and weak arms:) Good for you for keeping up with boot camp, getting those seratonin levels up can only help. Keep it up!


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