In his words

Hubby says that all of his buckets are low.  He just needs something he says.  He's been dealt some crappy cards and he is struggling with purpose.  He's depressed.

I wish I could give him that something and make him feel better.  I wish that he could just catch a break in one of these areas.  He says that a baby would make things so much better.

I feel like I shouldn't think like this either, but I do.   It sounds to me like the people who have a bad marriage but have a baby to fix things, and the end they just end up divorced with a kid.  I feel like a baby will change our trajectory.  We need this black hole of IF to be ended.  We need to focus on positives.  On the good things in life.

Today he said something else that made his perspective make a little more sense to me.  He says because all of his buckets are so low that he just can't go through another miscarriage.  That it was just too awful. That he doesn't feel like he can handle it.  This is why he doesn't want to do any more fertility treatments after this IVF.  

I totally get that.  A few months ago I remember telling him that I was feeling so low.  That I was scared of receiving any more bad news because I couldn't imagine being lower than I was.  I think that's where he is now.