Monday, 28 April 2014

Asking for what we need

I know that when we ask for what we need from those we love we don't always get it.  It is risky, and can add pain to an already unbearable situation.  I am so grateful for the way that everything developed over the course of this week.  Without your guidance, and my hubby's I am sure that things with my friends would not have turned out as well as they did.  

I mentioned in this post about my conversation with BF that I sent an email to thank her.   This is what I wrote to her.  Her response back to me is one of the most heartfelt things that anyone has written or said to me, outside of my marriage and the kind words you offer me here.  

I wanted to share it as an end to this week's chapter.  I'm posting it here also because I want to be able to refer to this again, and again if I need to.   I'm remembering that sometimes beautiful things do come out of the darkest of times.  



Thank you for being there for us.   For calling us, for inviting us over, for dropping of packages, for the texts and calls asking how we are doing.  For remembering me on Mother's Day.  Thank you for letting us know that you feel our pain too and you are care for us. 

Thank you especially for listening last night.  Your support and understanding to us after this loss, and throughout this process has not gone unnoticed and has helped us through many hard times.  

I wish last night, (and many other times), that I could have better expressed our gratefulness more adequately.   I am sorry I haven't done a better job of that yesterday, and in the past. 


PS) This is a video that circulates a lot in the infertility community.  I was thinking of sending it to A and A, and maybe a few others.  What do you think?

(The link doesn't work on an iPhone). 

thanks for the email J.

 I really appreciate that you guys came over on the weekend. it was our hope that the sandbox project would be a distraction to you rather than a painful reminder or we never would have asked you. i hope it turned out that way but we probably didn't time that right ....    as you know we are thrilled with it and can't thank you , F-in-law,  and D enough. 

thanks for letting me know how you've been feeling as you go about trying to manage the grief you are faced with . i am so sincerely sorry that you are not receiving the support you need from friends at this devastating and lonely time .  I know you recognize our efforts in trying to be supportive but truthfully, your situation just devastates me so much too, that I find difficult to mobilize my supportive thoughts .I'm personally sorry for this . Because we care about you guys so deeply, we are also hurting. 

I know for certain that there are many others hurting for you too , and I am sorry that you are not getting those messages directly or they haven't come at the time you needed them most. 

please know that we continue to pray for you daily , we will forever cherish  our friendships with you and D.

I can think of many times I have thrown myself onto your front porch in times I've needed your support. please know you can reach out anytime too! 

Also , I just watched that incredible video and yes , I think that sharing it is a great idea . it was very very powerful .   thx for sharing if with me .

lots of love , ttys BF 
Sent from my iPhone


  1. You are deeply loved by your friends, even though it's hard for them to show it. This letter is so beautiful and touching. I agree that there is sometimes the most beautiful flowers that bloom in the muckiest, most awful places.

  2. What kind words from your friend. You're right - it's incredibly risky to be totally vulnerable with your friends, admit you're hurting, and ask for what you need. But it can be so rewarding when they respond equally vulnerably - admitting that they are sorry, and that they too are hurting and don't know how to help. What a beautiful picture of friendship you've shared with us. Thank you.

  3. She seems like a wonderful friend. I'm so happy you guys talked.

  4. That's awesome. It sounds like you have opened up a better line of communication with that conversation!


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