Thursday, 24 April 2014

Update on the friend situation

I have read and re-read your comments from yesterday.  Thank you for taking the time to say something.  It really helped to know that I am not alone in this.

It also has given me some more things to think about regarding how I am going to handle this.   I'm still letting it all marinate as I try figure out what to do.  I want to talk with D more about it too.  I will let you all know what I decide.   I welcome any of your continued thoughts.

To add to this story though, yesterday two things happened in this particular friend group.

The one that I told about my miscarriage (not my best friend), reached out to see how I was doing last night.   Hallelujah!!  She listened.  It was such a relief.  It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

She then told me that her mother had been very sick and in the hospital this past week (but will make a full recovery).  I listened to her about this, let her talk until she seemed to get it all out.  Asked her questions, expressed my empathy for the situation.  I felt like we both were there for each other.  It was good.

I know this is what kept her from calling me sooner.  She has a lot on her plate, and I understand.  I feel better about my friendship with her.

While talking to her, I had in the back of my mind that I wanted to hint to her to share with the others just how difficult this is for me.

At the end of the call, she told me to call her anytime.  I told her that it was hard for me to do that.  I said that I appreciate that everyone says that, that it is very kind.  But the reality is, is that it is very hard for me to call someone up who busy with their kids and work life and just this all dump on them.   She said she will call back in a few days.

Today, someone else sent a group message on Facebook.  It asked if everyone wanted to send flowers because of our friend's sick mother.  We have not sent flowers in the past for anyone else's parent that has been in the hospital.

It shows me that they want to be good friends to each other, but in this case, they really just don't get it.

I've got some more thinking to do.


  1. This is tough. I'm glad you were able to share a little with your friends, but I'm sorry they didn't respond how you had hoped. This is frustrating, and you shouldn't have to spell out for them what you need. Whatever you decide to do, know that this community will be here and support you with whatever you need. It's not the same as life-long friends, but I hope you find some comfort in us.

    1. I definitely find comfort here. Thanks for reaching out.

  2. Yes, it really does sound like they just don't get it... Miscarriage really seems to be a taboo subject that no one dare broach. The "rule" about not telling anyone until 12 weeks does a lot to reinforce that too. Miscarriage is just expected to be swept under the rug, for some unexplained reason.

    By any chance have you looked into miscarriage support groups in your area? We have one at a local hospital. If anything they may have some tips on how to go about getting support from friends and family.

    1. I haven't looked into miscarriage specific support groups in my area. I did go to an infertility support group once, but the group was in transition and didn't have any participants. Apparently everyone had graduated. We haven't been back. I don't live in a big city so there's not a lot of options unfortunately.

  3. I'm sending you flowers via this comment---picture daisies and tulips and lots of greenery in a round, orange glass vase. The card reads: "Thinking of you every day."

    1. They are beautiful. Thank you so much :)


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