Monday, 21 April 2014

It's over, but not completely

We made a plan that I was going to take the Misoprostal on Monday night and Tuesday morning. This was the latest day that the nurse recommended to do it. We were waiting for the holiday weekend to be over.

My body had its own idea though. On Friday, I started having a small amount of bleeding and slight cramping.  On Saturday night at 6pm, I started having major cramping and knew that it was going to happen. 

For three hours, I passed a lot of blood and clots.  The cramping went from severe period like cramping to horrible abdominal pain. It got really intense. It was the kind of pain where you think about calling an ambulance, but you also can't imagine being touched, let alone leaving your bathroom. 

I took two different kinds of pain meds, but they felt like they did nothing. 

We didn't have any prescription strength meds because we hadn't filled it yet. I didn't expect to need them before I took the Misoprostal, so I was unprepared. Half way through the miscarriage, I was desparate and D asked a friend who lived nearby to fill the prescription for painkillers.   

I passed something the size of the palm of my hand, and that seemed to relieve my pain almost immediately. I don't think that I have ever felt so relieved in my life. 

With my first miscarriage, I assumed that the extreme pain, etc. that had was largely from dramatic effects of the Misoprostal. This time around, I realized that it probably wasn't the meds but the miscarriage itself that was the biggest pain inducer...silly of me to think that, but now I've learned a bit more I guess. 

We tried to save the larger pieces ofthe products of conception. We were hoping to identify the gestational sac, so that we could complete the Natera testing. 

At first that seemed very disgusting but after a while we almost seemed like scientists. It was a somewhat fascinating to see what had been in my uterus. 

We picked out some things that we though were suitable and put them in the specimin container. Honestly, despite having the diagrams to go by, we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. 

We had planned to send that away today after we had D's blood drawn (because it's DE). 

Again, we learned that nature sometimes has its own plans. I checked in the shower today if there was anything left that I could feel in my vagina. I did this because in my first miscarriage, a week after I found a chunk of something lodged. That time, I was able to get it out. This time, I couldn't. 

I didn't have any cramping, otherwise I would have a little hope that it would come out on its own. 

I felt so disappointed and upset. Why couldn't this just be over?  The relief that i felt yesterday was gone. 

So today we decided onve again what we would do. We called the clinic and our OB to see what they thought. Both said to go to the Emergency Department, so that is where we sit now, waiting and wondering what's next. 


  1. My biggest hope for you at this moment...... this is over soon!

  2. First, I am so sorry to read the post I am leaving this comment below.

    I am a psychologist and a blogger ( I am currently conducting a survey of bloggers who post about pregnancy, fertility, adoption, pregnancy loss, and parenting. I would like to extend an invitation for you to complete the brief survey found here:
    (I am very sorry to leave this in a comment like a spammer!)
    Thank you so much!
    Dr. Grumbles

  3. I'm so sorry... This is just awful to hear. I hope this passes soon

  4. Oh Julia, what you've been through breaks my heart. I hope more than anything for you to have quick healing and peace. I'm thinking about you often. xoxo

  5. I am so sorry that this keeps dragging on. It would be so hard to move forward until this part is over. Thinking of you.

  6. I am so sorry. It is so hard to have it drag out. I hope they can do the testing, and that you can be physically done with this soon.

  7. I am so sorry to hear that you are now waiting in the ER after everything, I hope and pray that the physical part will be over soon and with little pain or discomfort. My heart just breaks for you. My thoughts and prayers to you and your husband during this time.

  8. Thinking of you, Julia. There are simply no words. Big, big hugs, my friend.

  9. Hoping peace is coming your way soon. Sending you strength :)

  10. Oh Julia. I hope that the worst part is over, and that the ER will treat you kindly and actually have something that works.

  11. I'm so sorry. You've gone through hell. That pain you describe, ambulence-level pain---it's just so unfair, and I feel for you from the bottom of my soul. You are almost there, sweet person. Hang on tight. Almost. Just a few more steps. Peace and love to you.

  12. This sounds very similar to what my sister went through when having a miscarriage at 8 weeks. She said it actually was more painful than labour with her first daughter. I'm sorry. No one should have to go through this.

  13. I just want to say I am so sorry for your loss. I've been reading with such sadness the terrible unfolding of your pregnancy since the nightmare ultrasound. It all just sucks--it seems beyond endurance. I marvel at your ability to keep writing about it and at your ability to keep thinking logically and functioning. I can't imagine things having gone any worse. You are living through a worst case scenario, and it so so unfair. I am sorry this is happening to you and your husband. Sending you strength to keep enduring as well as virtual hugs. I hope your physical pain ends soon and that you can start to process the emotions in the best way possible.

  14. I hope you are able to get things figured out quickly so that the physical part is over. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this.


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