Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Taxes, PTSD infertiles and spring

Item - I compiled our 2013 medical expenses for our income tax last year.   We spent more last year on fertility than we ever had.  And that didn't include our DE cycle that started in early 2014.   While I am truly grateful to have had the money to put towards this, I still can't help but gag.  Oh, the things I could have done with that money...

Item - I've learned a few things over the past 6 years of compiling these expenses and I thought I would share three tricks that have made things much easier for me. 
  1. Throughout the year I put all of the receipts I get in one folder in the office.  I never look at it until income tax time to avoid unnecessary stress. 
  2. I request an itemized receipt from all clinics and pharmacies for the year.  I make sure my receipts match what is is my folder. 
  3. I look out for things that are billed separately. A couple of times I have found things that were missing on my receipts.  They were for anesthesia (because it is billed to another doctor) and treatments that were under D's name.  [This year, CCRM sent me two annual statements at my request, one from the lab and one from the clinic.  They missed sending me $4,000 of expenses that were under his name!  Kind of a big boo boo in my books].

Item - Tomorrow is my ultrasound at 7:30am.  I will be 7 weeks, 3 days.  I could honestly write (and complain endlessly until I want to hit myself upside the head) about the stupid thoughts that are going through my head every day, but I've been trying to distract myself.  

Item - Tonight I am going going to prepare a bunch of questions for the doctor tonight under the headings "heartbeat" and "no heartbeat" for Dr. Highrisk.  I've got it on my mind that I especially want to get off at least some of these blood thinners, if there's a heartbeat. 

Item - If there is no heartbeat, Hubs already told me that he want's to wait longer before we do a D&C than we did the last time.  Yes, these are the types of conversations that two incredibly anxious, borderline PTSD infertiles talk about at dinner even after they've got their BFP.  He still things there could have been a chance that that the babies could have lived.  I don't share those regrets.  There was nothing in the sacs, and the sacs were measuring behind.   This is his biggest regret of all of our infertility stuff so far.   He thinks we may have killed our babies.  It's a heavy burden for him.  

Item - I am going to the dentist today.  I will need to tell them I am pregnant.  I have been there when I was 7 weeks pregnant before, with the twins.  I'm dreading this conversation, I should have probably rescheduled the appointment until after the ultrasound, but if there is no heartbeat, I doubt I'll feel like doing anything at all, so I kept it. 

Item - Yesterday it was so amazingly spring-like out side and it felt so amazing! I am loving this spring more than I ever have before.  Buh-bye winter, I am so over you.   I went shopping (didn't buy anything) and had a nice day.  While out and about I had a little talk with myself about how I need to lighten up.  I am always so serious, and I never used to be like that.  It is not unrelated that I then said "F-it" to the no caffeine restriction and ate a chocolate ice-cream cone.  It was amazing and I don't feel the least bit bad. 


  1. Hoping tomorrow brings wonderful news for you!

  2. Itemized receipts?!?!? I really wish I'd thought to ask for that before doing our taxes this year... I guess it'll be good for next year!

    Wishing you the VERY best tomorrow! Praying for a good, strong heartbeat!

  3. First off, a big AMEN to the costs. We are about $25,000 in at when I lay back and think about all the fun cool awesome things we could have done if we were NORMAL I feel a bit sad. Then I realize I would pay my entire salary every single day the rest of my life for a kid. I think we all get to that point. And you ARE THERE. I feel so good about this, I 100% expect a heartbeat for you. I LOVE this for you so much. I can totally relate to the PTSD thing. If I ever manage to get pregnant again I have already mourned the fact I will be scared/anxious every day until I hear and see a screaming human being. You are slowly overcoming/killing lady infertility and that makes me so happy. Its hard. It's scary. But you are so doing it each day!!! I'm so happy to be following your journey.

  4. This year was the first time we spent enough to qualify for any medical deductions, but boy howdy did we qualify! It's nice to get money back, but seeing it all in front of you and thinking about what you could have done with it is daunting. Good luck tomorrow, I'll be sending wonderful positive thoughts!

  5. I will be praying for you tomorrow, but I am keeping the faith that everything will be great!

  6. Adding up all the medical bills is super depressing. The tax refund is nice but doesn't nearly cover it. On the plus side, I found out I had double paid a bill with my RE so I got money back from him.
    I'll be anxiously awaiting u/s reports.


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