Thursday, 20 December 2012

Gearing up

Gah, I want to post something just so I don't have to look at the last pic anymore.  Bad call on the beard pic, and it doesn't even have any dandruff in it.  I don't hate beards, but ew!

The exercise class has been going well.  As I write this my face is attempting to return to it's normal colour, down from the beet reddish-purple that it is right now.  I've never been a person who sweats much, and I think my body tries to compensate by turning colour.  I can remember in elementary school when I was running cross country, people used to ask me if I was ok because of it.

I'm emotionally putting on my armour, and gearing myself up for Christmas. This will be my last family Christmas (on my side) that will be child free.  This baby will be my parents first grandchild. The truth is that I've enjoyed the fact that I could escape our IF when I was with my family.  I have 2 younger brothers and 2 younger sisters, and baby making and child rearing have never been a part of our conversations.   That's about to change, with my brother's girlfriend expecting this January.

Of course I am jealous.  However, I am cutting myself some slack because I think it's not surprising that I'm feeling this way.  Who wouldn't if they were in our shoes?  5 years of IF hell and your brother's girlfriend gets pregnant by accident while on the pill?  Uh.   The IFers know the drill all too well.   It just hadn't infiltrated my family yet.  It was one of my remaining safe places from IF.

The only good thing about her pregnancy is that she isn't super pumped about it.  I know that sounds terrible and that this fact would make a lot of people upset, given how much they want a baby.  But I'm ok with it.  I get it.  She wasn't ready.  If I wasn't ready (say 10 years ago), I would probably feel the same way too.  I'm trying to see it as a small blessing.  She's not flaunting her pregnancy around me, letting me know when the baby has gone from the size of a plum to a medium apple to a turnip.

I'm hoping for my day 3 FSH today.  This is the last piece of the pre- IVF work that needs to be complete.   I'm hoping for sky-high or low.  No middle iffy number.    I want to make a final decision about this IVF, DE or OE and move forward.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I'm interested in what you have to say