Post-consult

I'm back. 

Colorado was great.  It was everything we hoped it would be.  I kind of felt like it was a fertility-wonderland, complete with a waterfall.  The staff were very professional and we felt that we got some new information.  I'm happy that we went.   

We still haven't made a decision on donor egg vs. trying our own egg.  Honestly, I'm still on the fence.  If money weren't an issue, I would 100% give an IVF with CCS a go for two cycles.  But, being real, money is an issue.  If we spend $60,000 (the rough cost of trying two IVFs) and don't end up with a baby I'll be feeling really depressed and kind of stupid.  The only reason why I prefer own-egg is because in many ways it just feels simpler.  No explaining one day of where they came from and no issues of loss for the child.   I suppose I just don't feel very confident in my parenting skills, because I haven't got the chance to practice them yet. 

It's funny to me how we are back to (almost) the same decisions that we were making over years ago when we decided to adopt the embryos.  

It's very frustrating and difficult to make these decisions. I just want to be done with this part of my life and move on to the part where I am a mommy. 

Some of the things I really liked about CCRM:

- They are organized.  Check in at the desk, have a test, check in again, have another.  We had back to back appointments all morning and things went very smoothly. 

- I felt Dr. Schoolie was kind and was honest with us about our options. 

- The staff seemed to be really well trained and experienced.  I liked that many of the technicians really took time to explain the procedure they were doing, and what they were hoping to see.  

Some of the things I don't like:

- They messed up on drawing enough blood for a thrombosis panel.  I had 16 vials of blood taken, and that still wasn't enough.   16 vials tops my previous record of having 13 drawn at once.  I wonder what my fertility-lifetime total would be? 

- They called me back and said that they doctor isn't sure about whether to recommend a laprosopy and tubal ligation for my left side.  It seems that my HCG showed some hydrosalpinx (sp?), but there was some spill (which means that there is no blockage) however they weren't 100% sure if there is a blockage or not.  Basically the doctor said it was my call on how to proceed with this.  After a few days of marinating on the topic, I've decided that this isn't enough information to make the decision.  I need a doctor's recommendation.  Isn't that what I'm paying  for?!?  I'm honestly a little flabbergasted that they haven't given me more information on this to make the decision.  Oh well.  I guess no clinic is perfect.  That's why I've called back for more information. 

I'll write more later.  I just wanted to break the silence, and get some of my thoughts out. :)