Point one: I have two sisters. One is 28, the other one (whom I wrote about in my last post) is 31.
Point two: My first FSH test was at age 28, and it was a detestable 24.
Point three: Doctors have told me that there is a 1/3 chance that my sisters will have this life sucking hog that is known as diminished ovarian reserve.
Point four: I shared points two and three with them with them several years ago.
Point five: My mother had five children before she was 31. A few of us were conceived due to the failure of various birth control methods. My mother confided in me that she was on the pill for the first two months of her pregnancy with me. She didn't know she was pregnant. She questions whether the hormones affected my reproductive development. I hope this is actually what happened, because it means that my sisters would not share the risk of premature ovarian failure.
Point six: My mother went on to experience full menopause at relatively early, at age 47. I have read there is a link to mother's menopause and her daughter's infertility. It was one of the questions on the CCRM intake package.
Point seven: My sisters menstrual cycles are eerily familiar to my own. They are irregular with several days of spotting before and after their period.
Point eight: I'm pretty sure I that their biological clocks tick louder in my ears than theirs.
This is very annoying for me on many levels. First, I'm annoyed that I am butting my nose into their business. Second, I'm annoyed that my 28 year old sister doesn't seem to be worried about it. I completely understand why my 31 year old sister is not looking to start a family. She's still getting her life back in order after her stroke.
My youngest sister has lived with her boyfriend for three years. They both have stable jobs and know that they "one day" want to have kids. I don't ask her questions about when she is going to have babies or get married. I know better than that. I know how that insensitivity feels first hand.
At Christmas however, she brought up the topic! I ferociously bit my tongue and tried my best not to cut her off and blurt out a bunch of loud shrieks and grunts that would somewhat resemble "FSH-AMH-TICK-TOCK-IVF-POAS-AHHHH!! MUST MAKE BABIES NOW!!".
She told me that they have things to work on in their relationship before they make the commitment of marriage and kids. I totally get that. It's the responsible, level headed thing to do.
This sister does everything in her own time. She never rushes through much. Things that would stress out other people don't stress her out. Her job is dealing with other people's stressful life situations. She has been known to come into town to visit our family from hours away and not make arrangements about whose house she is staying at. Things just roll off her back. It's one of her best qualities. But it's also kind of annoying.
I don't think though that she understands how devastating our diagnosis of IF has been. I don't think she has a clue about how much things can cost. I think maybe I have bit my tongue too much - I don't think she understands the risk. Emotionally, financially. How could she? She hasn't lived it and she only knows the high-level details of our treatments. If she really knew what IF was like, she'd run from it as fast as she can.
I feel frustrated with myself. I don't want her clock ticking in my ear too. I have enough fertility problems to worry about, I don't need to invent(?) some for her too.